Find A Way
by BonesFABERRY
Summary: They weren't happy…at least Arizona wasn't happy
1. Find A Way

**Lately I've been thinking about what's going on with Calzona and all that jazz, and today I got a little inspired and wrote this, I hope you like it. This is my first Calzona fic. **

***I don't own Grey's Anatomy or its characters**

***All mistakes are mine**

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**Find A Way**

They weren't happy…at least Arizona wasn't happy.

She wanted to be happy –she really did, but it was hard when you had one leg and people looking with pity and fake compassion in their eyes, whispering behind your back.

They acted like they understood, like they _knew_ how it felt to lose one leg –and lose yourself in the process.

Arizona didn't know who she was anymore.

_Could she be a surgeon with just one leg?_ Be on her feet –foot –for God only knows how many hours? Could she save a life? Could she bear with the guilt if she failed to save one, two or more kids?

_Could she be a friend?_ Would she manage to ignore the anger (and hurt) when people complained about their problems, tiny and trivial problems like a break up or how a dress doesn't fit? They didn't know a thing about problems; they shouldn't be able to complain for something so stupid.

_Could she be a mother?_ She didn't know; what if she was never able to calm Sofia down after a nightmare? How would her daughter realize how much she was loved when Arizona couldn't chase her around the park, play with her until they got tired of running?

_Could she be a wife?_ Would she be able to forgive Callie? Could she get over Callie's eyes full of pity, guilt, sadness and hurt every time she turned away from her, flinched when Callie's hand came near her stump or stop feeling her heart clench every single night, when she heard Callie's silent sobs when she thought Arizona was asleep?

_How would she show Callie she loved her?_ After all, actions speak louder than words, right? Would Callie be able to look at her, focus on her –instead if her missing leg –while trying to make love? What if Callie was repulsed by the mere sight of it?

She didn't want to dwell on the coulds and shoulds, she just tried.

Arizona tried to be the doctor, friend, mother and wife everyone needed, ignoring all the pain, hurt, anger and sadness that she felt, hiding her feelings and silencing her complaints in the darkest part of her brain, pretending to be all right and happy, pretending to be who she was before the plane crash happened.

And everyone was happy. Alex got back his (friend) mentor, the hospital got back one of its best surgeon, Sofia got back the mother she once knew and Callie –Calliope got back the wife she fell in love with.

Arizona thought that by making everybody else happy, she'd be happy again; but it never worked.

She still felt people's gazes when she walked through the halls, sensing people's pity when she lost her balance, trying (but failing) to hide their worry behind their masks when she winced a little after being standing too long; she heard their voices every single time she closed her eyes, and not even Callie's arms wrapped around her kept her safe from the voice, from the pain caused by something that wasn't there anymore.

She stopped feeling sexy and pretty, confident and strong; but that's what everyone saw –the old sexy, confident, pretty and strong Arizona Robbins, _a good man in the storm_ –because she gave them what she _knew_ they wanted to see…

…That's why her cheating on Callie was something that nobody (not even her) expected.

Arizona would like to say it was a mistake, but deep inside her she knew it was a choice.

She _chose_ to cheat on her loving one, the one who stayed and never left her side; she was disgusted by the choice she make, by herself; but when Lauren had looked at her with desire and lust swimming in her eyes when they flirted, Arizona felt like the old Arizona.

And it felt _so_ good, intoxicating and addictive.

Because when Callie stared at her, she felt Callie seeing a shell of herself instead of feeling love and desire; and more often than not, Arizona thought that Callie stayed out of obligation, sometimes forgetting to be Arizona's wife and being Arizona's doctor instead.

_Was Arizona still in love with her wife?_ Of course she was, but in the darkest and coldest hours of the night, when her demons came out to play and the nightmares haunted her, she doubted Callie's love for her, often wondering why Callie had stayed after how awful she treated her.

"She doesn't love you"; "She feels guilty"; "She pities you" the demons would whisper into her ear every time Callie smiled at her, that same smile that made her fall in love with her wife all those years ago, the same smile that still made her fall a little bit more for her.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, it all became too much, and when the storm happened, it was as if Pandora's Box was opened.

_Arizona cheated on Callie_. She had betrayed her wife, the love of her life. She broke her vows and in the end, her family. She was the only one to blame.

And while shouting at Callie, after the truth had come out, yelling all those things she didn't mean, words that were fueled by anger and sadness and desperation, Arizona realized how broken they really were; but they could be mended, right?

She was (_almost_) sure of it.

She would apologize, grovel and beg on her knees if she had to, she would gain Callie's trust and love again, she'd do everything in her power to woo her wife, to mend her family. She'd _find a way_ to make everything all right, to put all the pieces of the puzzle together.

They'd be okay, they had to be.

But as she entered the cold and empty apartment, and realizing her wife and child were gone, she wasn't so sure of it.


	2. It Only Hurts

**Hey guys, I'm back. Sorry for the delay, my computer stopped working a few days ago and school got in the way, I hope you like this chapter, I really don't know how long this story's going to be so bear with me.**

***I don't own Grey's Anatomy or its characters**

***All mistakes are mine**

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They were happy… At least Callie was happy.

It took her a lot of time, tears shed and sleepless nights but she was finally happy, everything was as it was supposed to be: she had her loving wife back, a beautiful daughter and the job she loved, along with being member of the hospital's board; so yeah, for Calliope Iphegenia Torres everything was perfect… or so she thought, until Arizona cheated on her.

"_It always comes back to the leg"_

Callie knew she had made a mistake, she should have not made that unrealistic promise to Arizona when deep down she knew what the outcome would be, and yet she still promised Arizona that she wouldn't let them cut off her leg; the words were out of her mouth as soon as she saw Arizona's pleading eyes, those blue eyes that (still) were part of her best dreams and worst nightmares.

Callie was an orthopedic surgeon –she was a superstar, a superstar with a scalpel- and she'd dealt with hundreds (scratch that, make it hundreds of thousands) of patients that had more than a 50% of chance of losing a limb, but she'd never promised them they wouldn't lose it, she always said something along the lines of "I'd do my best", and her best she did.

_Guilt._ She felt how the guilt that plagued her insides weighed down her soul, made it hard to walk around the hospital with her head high; because she was so focused on trying to come up with a plan to guarantee a full recovery for Derek's hand that, for a moment, she forgot about Arizona and the leg debacle… Until Alex ran into her OR.

Even if she felt guilty, Callie knew she made the best decision; she didn't think about it nor she considered her options, she _decided_ her wife's life was worthier than a promise, so she told Alex to cut off the leg.

_Desperation.._ The next couple of hours were the worst, she tried so hard not to cry as she closed Derek's hand and she held her tears at bay as she walked through the halls of the hospital; but all the tears –those damn tears mixed with desperation –finally escaped once she got to Arizona's empty room.

_Dread. _Callie cried as she waited, cried for the broken promises and dreading what'd happen once Arizona woke up and noticed that her leg –the leg Callie had promised to save –was gone.

But nothing, not Bailey's encouraging words nor the million scenarios she crafted in her head prepared her for what would happen; as she noticed Arizona waking up from her slumber, Callie squeezed her wife's hand, praying to God and hoping her wife would understand why she broke her promise.

_Regret. _As Arizona looked around and took in her surroundings, Callie noticed how the light in her wife's eyes slowly disappeared, how her shoulders tensed and a tear ran down Arizona's cheek.

Callie closed her eyes when she heard Arizona's gasp, and when she opened them –she regretted every single action she made that led them to this moment, the moment when Arizona shut down, cried, cursed –anger and hurt swimming in those blue eyes –and what was worst, yelling at her to get the out.

_Anger._ Once she was out of the room, Callie felt the anger running on her veins. She was angry at Alex for telling Arizona he was going to Hopkins; angry at Arizona for letting her emotions get the best out of her and going in that plane, but above everything else, Callie was angry at herself.

She _should have_ focused on Arizona instead of Derek, she _should have_ kept her promise… or maybe she _shouldn't have_ made that promise in the first place.

As days turned into weeks, and as the anger she felt faded, the feeling of sadness came back with vengeance.

_Sad._ Callie felt sad every single time she looked into Sofia's eyes and was remained of her dead best friend, she was sad when she walked around the hospital, the murmurs that'd be prompted by her steps and when a 'brave' (and stupid) soul said "I'm sorry about your wife", every time she slept in Mark's apartment an she was specially sad –her heart breaking little by little –as her wife lashed out at her.

A really long time passed by before she felt a glimmer of hope and happiness in her life.

_The first time_ was when she was preparing to go back to Mark's place, the day Arizona extended some kind of olive branch by inviting her to sit next to her on the sofa to together American Bake Off together.

_The second time_ was when she saw Sofia in Arizona's arms again, both of the smiling and laughing, provoking the biggest smile she had given to someone in months appear on her face.

_The third time_ was when Arizona went back to work, and in that moment she _knew_ things were getting better.

And she proved she was right on Bailey's wedding.

At first she was so excited to finally make love to her wife after months of taking care of herself, she felt so in cloud nine that she called Derek and told him she was (finally) going to have sex with Arizona (in her mind he was the new Mark –not like Mark could ever be replaced) and sure, she was disappointed when she came out of the bathroom and noticed that Arizona was still dressed, but her heart soared when her wife asked her to stay, to never leave.

_Hurt._ Her head and hear hurt every night she pretended to be asleep as Arizona fought the nightmares and pain of a limb that was not there. Callie wanted to comfort her wife, tell her that everything was going to be all right…but she couldn't, Callie didn't want to shatter the progress that had been made.

_Happy._ She had been happy –entirely happy –when they had made love for the first time after the crash. It had been wonderful, mind blowing, full of love and sure, they had laughed, cried and things were awkward for a minute but they had overcome it, they stopped thinking with their heads and started thinking with their heart.

That's why Arizona cheating on her had been so unexpected, it came out of nowhere, and all the negative feelings that had disappeared with time came rushing back with vengeance.

The worst part was that Arizona knew everything about her; thus, having full knowledge of how something of this caliber would affect her, hurting ten times worse than when George cheated on her or when Erica left. A long time ago she had warned Arizona –when the blonde had come back from Africa –that she wouldn0t survive if Arizona hurt her again, but now Callie couldn't just think about herself, she had to think of Sofia too.

They had everything: the house, the kid, wonderful jobs and a happy marriage; but the storm came and she didn't know how would _they_ survive it.

So in the midst of a fight between what was good and evil, promises made and broken; Callie packed their bags and left, running away from her problems, leaving Arizona and breaking another promise in the way.

Did Callie care? Maybe she did, maybe she didn't; all these past months she had been selfless, putting her needs and wants behind in order to mend her marriage, her family, while keeping her job and the little sanity she had left, and let's not forget about dealing with the loss of a loved one.

_Promises_. From that day on, Callie stopped promising things –or she tried to stop making them –since they only bring pain and trouble; she forgot about the promises she had made, not caring about breaking them; after all, Arizona had broken their vows, their promises, their family, her heart, and it was her turn to be selfish, just for a little while Callie wanted to be selfish and take the time she needed, the space that would help her heal her broken heart, the wounds of a warrior that had been stabbed to death, space to think of what she'd do next.

And Callie –Sofia resting in her arms –left the apartment that once housed a loving and perfect family, she left as quickly as she could and not looking back, hoping and praying to God for strength, knowledge and guidance.

They need to get through this, if not for themselves, for Sofia.

As she stepped in the street, she felt the wind dancing around her, making her doubt of the future, dreading of what was to come, some song played faintly in the background _"It only hurts when your eyes are open, Lies get tossed and truth is spoken, It only hurts when that door gets open, Dreams are lost and hearts are broken"_

Callie closed her eyes and ignored the noise, the voices, everything; for a moment she forgot about everything and in her mind she was still living her happily ever after.

She'd _find a way_, she always did.

But as she entered the hospital, she wasn't so sure about it.


End file.
